


Kurotama

by wyrvel



Category: Gintama
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, BDSM jokes, Canon-Typical Behavior, Crack Treated Seriously, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-12 00:08:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18434966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wyrvel/pseuds/wyrvel
Summary: Kurokono Tasuke comes back to Edo after a long and fulfilling vacation to find an old war friend of his has been replaced by a golden-haired copycat.





	1. Always make sure to put the name on the handle of your umbrella so people don't take it

**Author's Note:**

> Sorachi: By the way here's the first glimpse into the Joui4's dynamic using this character as a narrative device. No, he will never show up again so you can know for certain if he's irrelevant to their characters or a friend that they drifted apart from. You will never know why he's on Takasugi's merch
> 
> Me, feral: YYOU CANT DO THIS I WONT LET YOU

It was only a few months.

Kurokono Tasuke had left Edo on a trip to track down his fellow patriots and support them; Sakata Gintoki could usually extricate himself from the disasters he got involved in and lived with a Yato, and Katsura Kotarou still had a small army at his beck and call. While it was easy to find them at any given time, they never needed finding. He hadn't assisted either in years.

(The idea of trying to assist the other two gave him hives.)

The police had long since flushed out the old guard, and if Tasuke wanted to support what was left, he would need to leave Edo. So he left.

If he had to describe his feelings on his peers, it would probably be envy. Tasuke, in battle, was comparable to a beach umbrella prone to falling over. It certainly got in the way, but wasn't dangerous or hard to overcome. Everyone fought their hardest, getting horribly injured in their need to push back, while he always came out unscathed because he was swept up by the confusion.

In the end, he only successfully killed two people in battle. The way everyone he met after it was over talked about it, to leave a war in such straits was a luxury.

Tasuke's final target was an older man who had lost four of his fingers. Tasuke brought a prosthetic he bought from Edo, bundled up and held carefully to his chest.

“You still look sixteen,” said the man as a greeting.

Tasuke's ears warmed. He didn't fight this opinion. Not because it was true, but because he didn't have any photos to prove himself.

People didn't normally recognize Tasuke on sight at all, but this man was his squad leader. Among the Joui rebels that remained, only this small division seemed to be able to identify him, and they usually needed a few reminders.

...Kurokono Tasuke was not very useful back at the base, either.

Tasuke gently unfolded the fabric and displayed the prosthetic. Most of the support was for the pinky. “It's Gengai-san’s work. He recently gotten very good with replicating the human body structure, and his work is more affordable. It’s good we no longer have to rely on Amanto businesses now.”

His squad leader stared down at the prosthetic in stunned silence. Tasuke tried not to squirm. After what seemed like ages, he set it against his missing fingers, and with Tasuke's help, tightened the straps into place. Tasuke took the bioelectric nodes and placed them along his arm, so that the prosthetic could read his brain signals.

His squad leader outstretched his fingers. All five of them.

“I thought I would never be able to hold a sword again,” he whispered. “Why…”

“I abandoned you at an important time,” Kuroko said gently. “But...as someone who left early, I had the luxury of erasing my past. Things any of you may have trouble getting, especially in a place as tightly policed as Edo...It's simple for me to gather those things.”

“Kurokono…” His squad leader placed his new hand on his. “Thank you.”

Altogether, Kurokono's stops included three prosthetics, a year and a half worth of Edo newspapers, a box full of a cigarette brand that were troublesome to find outside of major cities, and an OWee. It was the sort of thing he did with his vacation days when his boss finally found him in the system and pounced during a shift to force him to take a break lest his work ethic lead to labour violations. He lived close to work and was always taking over people’s shifts, so money accumulated quickly.

It was only a few months.

There, at the train station, in clear print, was a picture of a man who most certainly was not Sakata Gintoki, and labelled 'ODD JOBS KIN-CHAN'.

...Something... wasn't quite right there?

To be clear, he had not helped Sakata Gintoki in years. In all his time of knowing him, they've only spoken three times. The most meaningful conversation they've ever had was when Tasuke left. Their paths never crossed.

But something clearly wasn't right, there? Who was this blond person, all of a sudden? Wasn't he wearing Sakata's unique fashion sense? Why was it Kin? Did they use alchemy to turn silver into gold? Wasn't this copyright infringement? Wouldn't Sakata send a cease and desist? 'Leave it to Kin-san’? Leave what, exactly? Copyright infringement? It's copyright infringement, yes?

Tasuke had a bad feeling about this. He sprinted through the streets of Edo, seeing even more of those posters as he went. People weren't acknowledging them at all, even though Sakata Gintoki was a curse upon all of the Kabuki district, and it should be only natural for them to say 'so someone finally took over from that bastard?’

Tasuke skidded to a stop in front of Otose's bar, and felt his stomach seize up.

_It really became 'Odd Jobs Kin-chan’...!_

Was it rebranding? Was the blond with the straight hair really Sakata? Or was he fired from his own business? It wouldn't be shocking, exactly…

Tasuke didn't like showing himself to those who might not remember him, particularly to those still living in Edo, but this was too unsettling. He knocked gently on the door. Sweat was beading on the back of his neck. If it was just some interloper or a brand change, it should resolve itself, right? Getting involved with this would probably just be getting in the way, right?

The door opened to the man in Sakata's style, with Sakata's face, but he exuded an aura of gentle patience and held his back straight, as if he were a hero. This was clearly a different person.

“A customer?”

“I...see…” Tasuke murmured.

He turned on his heel and made to leave. However, the strange Kintoki character grabbed him firmly by the wrist, stopping him in his tracks. “Are you nervous? Don't worry. Just take a step inside. Whatever your problem is, our Odd Jobs can take care of it.”

Tasuke met Kintoki's eye. The man's smile was frigid. Was he being threatened?

He meekly followed him in, not wanting to risk doing anything stupid. Sakata's young Yato Kagura and samurai Shinpachi were inside, looking as if all was right with the world. Tasuke was sat down and served a cup of tea, and Kintoki sat across from him, still with that smile that didn't reach his eyes.

“I'm Sakata Kintoki, the boss. What is it you need help with?”

Tasuke's throat constricted. Right, something was wrong. But it wouldn't be useful for him to just accuse this phoney out of the blue, right? Even if it were Sakata Gintoki in a wig, drawing attention to it without knowing why it was happening was a bad idea.

Tasuke steeled himself. “I know who you are, Sakata-san. And I'm not here for a job.”

The man narrowed his eyes. “Don't tell me…”

“Do you not recognize me? After all this time?” Tasuke rested a shaking hand on his arm. Kintoki focused on that as if it had some sort of significance. Tasuke took hold of those assumptions. “...I might not be memorable...but we made a promise together, didn't we? Back then.”

They did not make any such promise, of course. There was a promise he made together with someone after his arm was injured, but that promise was made with Takasugi Shinsuke, who had personally planted and activated the bombs that gave Tasuke third degree burns and ruptured his eardrum. Even calling it a 'promise' was a stretch; it was more of Takasugi approaching, quietly giving him a bottle of Yakult, looking like he wanted to say something, forcing Tasuke to let him replace his arm bandages - presumably as an excuse to sit there saying nothing for a little while longer without it getting weird - before finally relaxing when Tasuke suggested _'let's play again when the war is over’_ and finally leaving, never to speak to him again. With Sakata, a one-sided promise was vaguely implied and Sakata said something kind, which was a very nice interaction that also ended in them never speaking again.

However, this Kintoki character was staring meaningfully at Tasuke's arm, as if it held significance to any hypothetical promises made.

Definitely...he definitely wasn't Sakata Gintoki!

“Of course I remember,” the fake said, like a liar.

Tasuke relaxed, as if relieved. “If that's the case...then tonight...can we finally fulfill it? Together? I know it must be troublesome, for your past to come back to you so suddenly, but-”

“It's no trouble at all. I don't mind,” Kintoki said kindly. It gave Tasuke goosebumps.

“Then... I'll be waiting in Shinjuku Central Park. At 9. Just like that time...” It was a little out of the way, but the place was huge, and unlikely to have visitors at night.

The false Sakata let him go with that plot-important-sounding ultimatum, and Tasuke made a beeline for Otose's snack bar. It didn't look any different, though a conspicuous 'HOME OF SAKATA KINTOKI OF ODD JOBS KIN-CHAN’ poster was pasted on one of the walls.

He slid into a seat at the bar. “O-One Pocari Sweat, please.”

Otose slammed her mug on the counter. “Is this a bar or a convenience store? Which do you think?”

He flinched. “So...Sorry. Force of habit. Whatever you recommend.”

She didn't look satisfied. Tasuke pointed at a random drink on the wall. “That one?”

She got him that one.

“So... I've been seeing his face around quite a bit. That Sakata Kintoki, right?” Tasuke probed, taking a sip of whatever he was served.

“Ohh, have you met him?” Otose seemed to glow with pride. “That Kintoki has been working up there for years. He's the pride of the Kabuki district.”

Ahh, he'd been replaced. Sakata was really replaced. There was no doubt about it. But where on earth was the original? Did they forget an original existed?

“Years, huh…”

Tasuke didn't stay too long. He began scouring Kabuki district looking for more answers, and getting none. Everyone seemed to know Kintoki, and adore his presence. It was unsettling. As the sun was dipping, he gave up vaguely implying his curiosity and stopped by the police.

“Ah, excuse me... I'm looking for a Sakata-san, about this high, wears a white yukata with only one sleeve, and has a silver perm.” Tasuke gestured clearly.

The officer frowned. “Sakata? You mean Sakata Kintoki?”

“I mean the Sakata with the silver perm. If he doesn't have a silver perm, then it's the wrong Sakata.”

“Sorry, I don't know anyone like that…”

Pardon his language, but what bullshit. Wasn't Sakata Gintoki involved in a major police conflict only just last week? It was very conspicuous! He was arrested! He was right in the crosshairs! It wasn't something one could just forget! He had to hear about it second-hand and it still left an impact!

“...I see.”

So Tasuke went to the Mimawarigumi. Well, to be specific, he asked the Mimawarigumi directly.

 

_Hello. I was out of town when you were closing in on that gang._

_Do you remember? You cooperated with the Shinsengumi. Sakata Gintoki disrupted the case._

 

Anyone who's met Sasaki Isaburo usually had his phone address. It was alarmingly easy to get one's hands on it. It made talking a lot simpler, though it was a bit roundabout. Tasuke got the reply back almost instantly.

 

_Yes, it was so disruptive (´▽｀;)  
_

_But Sakata Kintoki did his job fine o(^^)o_

_If you heard differently they were confused bc Kintoki was working undercover_

_btw where did you hear it? lol_

 

Maybe wasn't a government cover-up either? Sakata had been involved in enough police cases that they'd want to get rid of him, but Tasuke didn't think the greater authorities had any reason to take him out. Well, he hoped not. Did he? Was Sakata capable of that level of chaos?

 

**[Picture attached]**

_Lunch btw Ｏ(≧▽≦)Ｏ  
_

_They gave me extra seasoning_

_Extra yum_

 

It wasn't as if someone as unassuming as Kurokono could follow up on Amanto threats, either. He still didn't know how Sakata was involved in Yoshiwara opening up, if he was involved at all. It technically wasn't any of his business, but the whole business was so vague it was unnerving.

 

_Looks delicious._

_That's from your canteen?_

_Want to join the Mimawarigumi now if I could eat that everyday : )_

 

But what else but an Amanto could erase a person? What else but an Amanto could replace someone so thoroughly?

 

_It was (ʃƪ ˘ ³˘) I'm so spoiled_

_btw where did you get the info? lol_

 

Asking the perpetrator was...well... probably a bad idea. Tasuke wasn't especially conniving or good at combat. It was unlikely he'd get out of that kind of conversation unscathed.

 

_My name is Kurokono, remember, sir?_

 

Should he focus on finding the original instead?

 

_omg I forgot sorry sorry ( ；´Д｀)  
_

_I text too many people (⌯ >﹏<⌯)  
_

 

_The weather said it might rain so im going to go buy an umbrella_

_People keep stealing mine. It's the worst. (#｀皿´)  
_

 

If he tried that approach, it would take a while. It was for the best if he went with whatever options were available to him.

 

_Always make sure to put the name on the handle so people don't take it. ^^_

 

* * *

 

The mysterious Sakata Kintoki arrived at 9 on the dot, looking satisfied with himself. He didn't seem to notice Tasuke, which was par for the course when he changed his clothes. His face along didn't leave a strong impression.

Tasuke approached, once again clutching his wrist. He had taken off the glove for the sake of a dramatic reveal.

“Sakata-san…” He greeted.

“I've come,” the fake said.

“I've been waiting a long time, Sakata-san…” Tasuke approached slowly, still hugging his arm.

“I'm ready to face our promise.” Still vague. He wasn't even going to risk a guess.

They stood toe to toe. Carefully, Tasuke pulled his sleeve up to reveal the burn scars, worse around the back of his elbow, still pink in places. Clarity came over Kintoki's features. “I am sorry.”

“It's not your fault.” Takasugi had told him what they were planning, but neglected to mention the bombs were in the temple as well, so he had underestimated how far he needed to back away to escape the range of the explosions. So it was his fault.

“I still take responsibility. For this, and…” He drifted off, clearly expecting Tasuke to finally explain what the promise was. His eyes were closed.

“It's fine...I'll take responsibility over myself.”

From the strap tied just above the burn on his arm, he drew a long, serrated knife and drove it into the fake's shoulder with all his strength. Before the fake could react, Tasuke drew his sword and impaled him through the stomach.

“I'll take responsibility for not trying to assist Sakata-san more until now.”

“You…?!” Kintoki grunted.

“Where is Sakata Gintoki?” Kurokono kept his head bowed.

Kintoki let out an unsettling wheeze, then a heavy hand rested on Tasuke's shoulder. The hand clenched, and Tasuke was suddenly hoisted in the air.

Kintoki stood as if he hadn't been injured at all, with that proud, patient stance that didn't suit Sakata at all, even on the battlefield. He seemed almost serene.

“I thought this might be the case. Rest assured, no one will have to worry about that man again.”

Tasuke squirmed. “There are people outside of Edo who know about him. What will you do then?”

“If they really do come, then I'll make sure they forget. The only Sakata who does Odd Jobs is me.”

Kintoki tossed him with inhuman strength, and Tasuke collided with a tree hard enough to crack it in half. He felt his ribcage creak, and breathing became impossible. It was if his entire world was reeling.

Still, he tried his best to rise to his feet. “No...Sakata-san is…”

_A shadow won't appear unless there's a little bit of light._

“Gintoki-san is…!”

_If only one person remembers, then you won't be punished._

He had no weapons left, so he could only stumble forward, feeling as if his body was coming undone.

_So if something happens, come help us again._

It was a one-sided promise. It was a promise Sakata had one-sidedly given to him, and a promise Tasuke had one-sidedly decided to go through with.

He was the person who made that promise, and yet…

Something happened, didn't it.

Tasuke didn't remember hitting the ground again. Being beaten again. Losing the ability to breathe again. The sound of his sword being tossed on the ground next to him rang hollow in his ears, and the taste of dirt and blood was a distant thought.

Something happened, so what did that promise mean, in the end?

 

* * *

 

Kurokono Tasuke had disappeared.

It wasn't a big deal that he was injured. It wasn't as if he wasn't told the explosion was going to happen. He just stumbled after the rest of his comrades, and they bundled him up with the rest of those injured. When the four returned to see him injured, Sakata had gave a quick 'our bad’, and Takasugi had...he had...very contritely given him yogurt.

But Tasuke had disappeared.

With him left out of battle and planning, nothing changed. With him bedridden from his balance being lost thanks to his ruptured eardrum, nothing changed. He had spent this war helping out in small ways while the actually competent did all the hard work, but…

Nothing changed.

It was if he never existed.

He decided not to waste resources and leave when the rebellion moved on, but they set out at a bad time. His squad had reshuffled when his squad leader lost most of his sword hand, and the few people Tasuke could talk to about leaving were spread out too far.

But it was better that way, he thought.

Even so, Sakata Gintoki had given him a goodbye with a promise. Not one he needed to fulfill, not one he could be held to, but a promise.

_Come help us again, Kurokono._

Even though he was useless, even though they'd spoken all of twice, Tasuke still existed. He was a comrade. And he would be welcomed back.

Even though he was this useless.

 

* * *

 

“Excuse me.”

The sound of the night came back slowly, along with Tasuke's chronic tinnitus.

“Excuse me.”

He opened his eyes blearily. It was still dark out, but a vague shape sat above him.

“Excuse me. Are you alright?”

Tasuke blinked. The pale face of a girl finally came into focus. That was…

The...the girl? The robot? Robot girl?

“Tama?” He finally managed to gurgle.

Tama, the robot girl who worked at Otose's. Gengai would talk about her sometimes. She was friends with those at Odd Jobs, wasn't she…?

“What you did was unwise.” She grabbed him under the armpits and hoisted him up. He grunted in pain, which turned into a shriek as she reset his apparently dislocated shoulder.

“I didn't think...he would shrug off two stab wounds…” he whimpered.

She looked solemnly down at him. “You are not strong enough to go against that person.”

“I guess I knew, but…” Tasuke startled as what she said finally permeated. “...'That person’...? Don't tell me?”

She nodded. “I'm aware that the person known as 'Sakata Kintoki’ is an imposter.”

“Then, do you know what happ- _ugh_!” Tasuke doubled over in pain.

“Please do not strain yourself. Before that, I need to take you somewhere.”

Right. For whatever reason, Tasuke wasn't dead. He wasn't rendered completely useless just yet.

Tama loaded him up on the Odd Jobs’ enormous dog, and gently walked them down the street, careful not to jostle him. Tasuke touched his head, and it came away bloody. He closed his eyes and sagged back down with a sigh. He had been left for dead.

His consciousness faded in and out as they walked. In a dreamy haze, he could feel a bandage being pressed against his forehead and taped in place, and injuries being wiped down as he gagged on the scent of ethanol.

He drifted into lucidity as he was slid off the dog and helped to his feet, and finally focused on his surroundings.

“Here,” said Tama.

 

**_BRUTAL LOVE S &M CLUB_ **

 

Tasuke blinked at the sign.

Then he turned to Tama. “Is this...bullying?”

“That's not it,” she said flatly. “Gintoki-sama is inside.”

“Eh?! The real one- _ow!”_ Tasuke clutched his bruised ribs. “Why here?”

“I do not know. However, I cannot enter. I was not issued with 'ID’.”

“Ah... it's an adult club, after all…” Tasuke stood up as straight as he could without aggravating his injuries. “Then I'll go get him.”

He always kept his ID on him. It wasn't as if he still looked 16, so much as he looked as if you couldn't be sure how old he was. He was carded for everything. It was easier to just buy Pocari Sweat when he was thirsty.

They let him in, giving him... uncomfortably meaningful looks when they noticed how injured he was. He pursed his lips and lifted his head, trying not to blush. “I'm only here to pick up a friend. And pay for him.”

“Which friend is that?” The secretary asked.

“A man with a silver perm,” he said, raising his hand to Sakata's height. He was satisfied to see the recognition bloom on the leather-clad secretary's face.

She took Tasuke through the hallways to a door at the end of a long stretch of rooms, where a dominatrix was taking a break. Sounds of punishment echoed off the walls, giving Tasuke chills. He knew Sakata had sadistic tendencies, but he'd really come to a place like this…?

Two normally-dressed men approached. “Hang on. We need to collect payment for this session.”

“It's okay. I'll be paying,” Tasuke said mildly. He adjusted the bag of clothes at his side. “Uhm, could we also have the room for a few minutes?” He wanted to leave quickly, and getting changed in the hallway would be a mortifying affair.

“Yes, yes. Do whatever you want. But you can only book an extra ten.”

“Uh... that's fine?” Tasuke awkwardly fumbled for his wallet and paid a bill that implied Sakata had been here for a few hours.

They opened the door for him to reveal...to… reveal…

This definitely wasn't right?

Sakata was straddling a wooden horse, which couldn't be doing anything for him except testicular torture, being whipped by a dominatrix, who had apparently taken over from a large, muscular man who was sitting off to the side jeering insults. Tasuke realized in dazed recognition that the dominatrix outside must have finished her shift earlier with Sakata as well.

“This young man is taking over from here,” the man at Tasuke's side said.

“Am I?” Tasuke said distantly.

Both doms left, both smacking Tasuke on the ass on his way out, and he was left alone. With the White Yaksha. On a wooden torture horse.

Tasuke tried to reconcile Sakata with the idea of being a sub. It wasn't working. He looked dead.

“U-uhm...About the payment-”

“That's right,” Sakata suddenly declared, with heat that didn't match the emptiness behind his eyes. “I'm a penniless scoundrel. I could never pay rent, even in my fantasies. Just string me up. I deserve it.”

He really got into the BDSM scene in the past few years? This much? On this side? 

Tasuke helplessly pulled Sakata off the wooden horse, and since Sakata held his arms behind him, clearly waiting to be bound, tied him up with the ropes lying with the rest of the props.

“So, your, uhm...your clothes…”

“Let's go! Strip me. I'll be naked for the world to see. Show everyone my filthy body!”

He was so grim.

_Sakata-san, your kinks…_

Tasuke tried to pass his clothes over, but Sakata only plopped his forehead on the horse and spread his legs. Tasuke politely slid his underwear off and tried again.

“I know I caught you in the middle of a session, and I can go get them to help you finish in a second, but-”

Sakata chuckled darkly. “You can finish me. I don't mind.”

Tasuke choked.

“Oh. Uhm. I suppose it's fastest that way. Is there some sort of 'finisher' in BDSM?”

“For me...Whatever hits the hardest is the best.”

“...Th...Then...I don't want to make this weird...so… Stand against the wall?”

Sakata dragged himself to the wall like a zombie. He looked like he had lost his soul. Tasuke felt cruel indulging him at all.

“Okay...here I go…”

Five cans of Pocari Sweat were placed on the ground.

With a quick and practiced whip of his foot, he sent them spinning towards Sakata's exposed back, pelting him hard enough to leave red marks. He collapsed on the ground, not looking particularly horny or satisfied. Tasuke felt this was both a good thing and also deeply sad.

“I don't know anything about S&M...did I do okay, Sakata-san?”

“Anything that hurts is true,” he mumbled into the tile.

“Oh. Well, that's good. I... brought your clothes, Sakata-san.”

He lay there, unresponsive. Tasuke shifted awkwardly. It had gotten weird anyway. This was awful.

Then Sakata leapt to his feet, staring at Tasuke in shock. “ _Just now!_ What was that you said?”

“Sakata-san,” Tasuke sagged in relief. “I was the one who was supposed to disappear, so what are you doing?”

“Eh? No...Huh?” Sakata hobbled over, still tied up. “Who?”

“It's Kurokono, Sakata-san. I wasn't much use, so I left the Joui rebellion early. It's... been a while.”

Sakata's brow furrowed in concentration, and to Tasuke's surprise, recognition finally coloured his features. Tasuke didn't think he would be memorable enough to be recalled that quickly.

“Kurokono…” He said slowly.

“Yes?”

“Kurokono... _WHAT ARE YOU YOU DOING AS AN S, HUH?”_ He squirmed in his bonds, to no avail. Tasuke was good at knots. “YOU'RE BLURRING THE LINES BETWEEN COMPANIONS AND ‘COMPANIONS’!”

“You asked me to?”

“ _I'm obviously suffering!_ Beside myself! Insensible in my agony! Exhausted after round after round of abuse! How could you see a man at his lowest point and keep going!”

Tasuke felt wronged. “but you asked…”

“If I asked you to pick up dog shit with your bare hands, would you? Would you handle shit?”

Tasuke gave an uneasy look at the floor.

Sakata made a disgusted noise and spit on the tile. “Listen up! The most important rule of BDSM is aftercare! Once a session is over, you have to give _aftercare!_ A glimpse of light after being submerged in the depths of despair! Do you understand?”

Tasuke's brows furrowed, and he tentatively opened his arms out in invitation.

Sakata laughed mockingly at him. “You can't get away with just hugging it out! You already showed your true colours!”

He said this, but...he had already come in close and rested his chin on Tasuke's shoulder.

Tasuke decided to just interpret this as embarrassment and gave Sakata a comforting pat on the back. “I'm sorry. I got confused.”

“...By the way, if you want to try going S for real, a guy like Kintoki, you know him, right? A guy like him is a definite M. A Do-M. There's no need for aftercare with that level of M. If you stabbed him and left him for dead, it'd be the kind of play to satisfy an M like him. Be sure to give it a try, alright? By the way, if you need somewhere to stab, the ass is man's most penetratable location. It'll go in easy, I promise.”

“...Please get dressed, Sakata-san.”

 

* * *

 

Sakata had become lively at finding someone who recognized him, but the light truly returned to his eyes at the sight of Tama.

“You…T-Tama, Sadaharu?”

“I've been looking for you, Gintoki-sama.”

 

* * *

 

_Remember the colour of your soul._

_I didn't forget. I couldn't if I tried. Because the colours of you idiots are mixed into it._

Tama had reignited a fire in Sakata Gintoki.

It was the dead of night, and there weren't any other safe places to stay, so Tasuke provided his own apartment. It was much nicer than Sakata’s, but it came with his job, so he couldn't really feel guilty about it. He hadn’t bothered furnishing it much, so it gave off an impersonal air that made Tasuke self-conscious.

“Well...there’s food and bottled water in the fridge...and the minifridge has, uh,” he opened it to show them the rows upon rows of Pocari Sweat. “It’s a force of habit.”

“...Were you a Pocari Sweat character?” Sakata asked, almost to himself.

“I tried to cut caffeine out of my diet, so it’s only juice and Pocari Sweat. But juice gives that syrupy feeling at the back of my throat, so while it’s nice to drink during the summer, if I’m only thirsty, the best thing is definitely Pocari Sweat, right? I drank it a lot during the war, and it was always refreshing. It’s really reliable.” He paused, and opened his regular fridge. “But I also buy Yakult. Do you want-”

“No thanks.” Sakata collapsed on the futon Tasuke had laid out for him.

“Do you have any oil?” Tama asked.

It was physically painful to say ‘no’. Maybe the one who became the M character was Tasuke. He just wanted to be useful to the people he fought alongside in the war, but the inability to accommodate for someone, even someone he didn't know, itched at him.

“I’ll…” He stood abruptly. “I’ll be going shopping.”

Tasuke had dipped into his rent money already with the S&M session payment, but being useless for two guests was too much for him. He speedwalked to the convenience store, the only thing stopping him from sprinting all the way there being the threat of his injuries slowing him down even more.

The lights were off when he returned with a container of oil, a copy of Jump, a hot meal, and another 6-pack of Pocari Sweat that he only just realized as he came in through the door he didn’t actually need to buy.

He gently set the oil down next to Tama and put the Pocari Sweat in the main fridge, since there was no room left in the Pocari Fridge at this point. He approached the apparently sleeping Sakata carefully.

“Sakata-san?”

He didn’t seem to react. Tasuke took the lid off, and the steam bloomed out with savoury aroma.

“Sakata-san? Are you hungry?”

Sakata remained still. Tasuke waited a second, then carefully put the lid back on.

“Were you the type of person to call me ‘Sakata-san’?” Sakata said suddenly.

Tasuke froze, feeling caught out. His face warmed. His impersonal attitude had been perfectly reasonable to him for years, but when it was pointed out, he felt suddenly very silly.

“...I’m no longer the type of person...to call on others familiarly,” he mumbled, placing the copy of Jump next to the food. “Many things happened after I left, right? Everyone changed so much...I don’t think...I could say I know you. To call you Gintoki-san...feels as strange as casually saying 'Shinsuke-san', doesn't it? I don’t think...I don't think you’re the same people. I feel like I don’t have the right to be familiar, after all that’s happened without me.”

Sakata didn’t stir.

“The same people?” He said lowly. “So have I changed from a White Yaksha to a Gold Yaksha?”

“Eh?”

“Of course things are different. That’s just life. But things being different doesn’t mean we’re different people. Do you think that golden-ball bastard really replaced me? Do you think it doesn’t matter who Gin-chan or Kin-chan is because we’re both different from the person you knew? Don’t be stupid.”

He raised himself up and turned to face Tasuke with a lazy expression, as if they were talking about something inconsequential.

“You’re the same person who came to help when something happened. And I’m the same sole person who remembered you were in the shadows. The past is the past, but that’s enough.”

He picked up the copy of Jump, flopped back on the bed, and lazed against the wall, flipping through it, clearly done saying what he had to say. It was obviously impossible to read with just the streetlights through the window, but he acted as though he was engrossed in the manga he was looking at.

Tasuke lit the lamp and stood with a small smile.

“Of course, Gintoki-san.”

He returned to the door, making Gintoki break his cool affect to look at him. “Ha? You going out again?”

A warmth was burning in Tasuke’s chest. He wanted to live up to the kindness Gintoki showed him, and the things he expected from him.

“...I forgot my weaknesses and acted carelessly, so I need to gather weapons again. You know, Gintoki-san..I think that Kintoki has already become a proper M, since I properly penetrated him with my swords, just like you said to.”

He opened the door with a parting smile.

“But I don’t think I can call myself a proper S until it sticks. Until there’s no more need for aftercare.”

He was going to fight by Gintoki’s side.

“Eh? What? No, what?”

Properly, this time.

“Heyy, Kurokono, just now. What do you mean by that? Was your character like that? Kurokono? Kurokono-kun~?”

 

* * *

 

The next morning they stood in front of Odd Jobs’ door, equipped with new weapons and ready for battle. Gintoki seemed to have a plan, which was encouraging, but Gintoki's solo plans were usually to the effect of ‘charge in head-on’, which was not.

Gintoki started bold by announcing himself at the door, but that boldness was wasted when something as simple as Kintoki taking a bath was responded with a weak “I’ll just leave this letter of challenge here.”

“If it’s hard to fight in your own home, I can go in and drag him out by his d*ck so he’ll be forced to face you, Gintoki-san,” Tasuke encouraged.

“That won’t be necessary! I don’t want to fight with a man with his d*ck out! A duel between men should be fully clothed! By the way, why did you focus on the d*ck? Saying things like that with that mild attitude of yours is too creepy!”

Tasuke frowned. “I wanted to have a bold attitude like yours.”

“Like me? Am I the type of person who grabs guys by their d*cks? Huh?”

“Whether he’s fully clothed or standing in the street with his d*ck exposed, as things stand, your probability of victory is zero,” Tama interrupted crisply.

“And you’re the one who told me there was no way I’d lose to that guy!” Gintoki retorted.

Tama frowned at him. “In a straightforward fight, it’s unlikely you could win. He has a golden straight perm, is more straightforward, and earns more. How could you defeat a man who has defeated your complexes?”

“What’s with you? Kuronoko, I’m not that bad, am I? He’s got faults, right?”

Kurokono pondered this. “I was only interested in why he was able to replace you, so I didn't pay much attention...But I think he looks like the kind of person who doesn’t value close relationships and only pretends to be friendly. Gintoki-san is also very insincere, but because you don’t hide it, I feel it’s very easy to be by your side.”

Gintoki excitedly hugged Kurokono close. “See? I’ll just win everyone over by not hiding anything! It’s fine!”

Tama gently walked them off to the side while pulling out a booklet. “With all due respect, Gintoki-sama, even if you faced him with indecent exposure, it still wouldn’t be possible. You should first read the instruction manual; the first part of war is to know one’s enemy.”

Gintoki snorted and threw the manual to Tasuke. “Instruction manual? Are you kidding me? There’s no way I’d get any information on him from an instruction manual. He’s not a plastic model or anything.”

Behind them, the door opened. “Sorry to keep you waiting…”

Kintoki stood in the doorway, completely without a… “I was washing my head.”

Kurokono observed this fact seriously, considered it, and then began flipping through the manual he was given. “Of course. We need to know where to insert the sword. For example, into the neck hole…”

Gintoki grabbed him by the wrists. “No, wait wait wait...isn’t that strange? That his neck can be detached? Before we talk about weaknesses, we just saw something seriously scary, just now?”

Tama nodded. “That’s right. He was specially ordered by Kagura-sama and Shinpachi-sama. He was made by Gengai-san as a replacement leader for the Odd Jobs in your absence. He is a perfect Sakata Gintoki, without any of your weaknesses.”

“The hair parts aren’t hair plugs, but an extra frame that is plugged into the inner frame.” Tasuke showed off the diagram in the manual. “If we’re going for head trauma, I think it’s possible to remove the ears and properly penetrate his insides through the resulting hole. This method would be well-suited for Gintoki-san’s weapon, don’t you agree?”

Gintoki observed the diagram in horror, then placed his hands over his face, as if he could hide from it. _“What the hell is going on?”_


	2. Battlefields are Busy Places

Apparently, it was like this;

Enraged with Gintoki, his companions had been wandering around the Kabuki district to find him. They stopped by Gengai's, who had been experimenting with creating a mechanical servant. The service was to take on their rage. To occupy their times, they added more and more modifications, resentfully building onto the character of their ideal servant, until it had finally lashed out.

The perfect Sakata Gintoki, forged by the complaints of Gintoki's character that had been given by someone who had lived with him for some time.

His ambitions were to be a perfect Odd Jobs leader. Therefore, while he started with simply being a good influence, because he still existed in the shadow of the original "Sakata Gintoki", he decided the best way to overcome Gintoki was to become him. A hypnosis field lay over Edo, and only animals and robots were immune. Tasuke was thus potentially vulnerable, though he had never met 'Sakata Gintoki of Odd Jobs', so his presence was unlikely to be worth refreshing the hypsnosis.

So the game plan was this;

Sakata Kintoki was created in response to Sakata Gintoki's flaws, yet he replaced memories of the real Gintoki exhibiting those flaws. If met with the two, where one acted just like the Gintoki they remembered, then surely their thoughts would pull towards the most natural of the two.

"For example, a Gintoki-san who shamelessly borrows money, a Gintoki-san who shamelessly makes everyone else do his chores, a Gintoki-san who shamel-"

"Yes, yes, yes, your point is clear, no need to explain," Gintoki waved away irritably.

...So later that day, they enacted their plan.

The Odd Jobs crew was spending time with Otae at the cabaret club. According to Tama, who had been monitoring Kintoki, Odd Jobs had a job from the cabaret they hadn't finished yet. It was their time to shine.

If Gintoki is a knockoff to them, then they can see the outstanding shine of a knockoff Odd Jobs.

Otae was sitting with Kintoki, so their strike had to be head-on. After discussing with one another, they decided to stay scattered, to avoid putting pressure on the robot with the brainwashing ray.

Kintoki was already showing off when they arrived. "A free bottle for every table here. Everyone, drink freely, because I'll be picking up the check. In return, could you keep your eyes out for those guys for me?"

'Those guys' being the two people who remained loyal to the original? His veneer of concern was laughable.

"Don't you worry," Gintoki called out from the entrance of the club, "those guys are here to get a free drink as well."

Odd Jobs stood from their booth as one, the true members startled, while Kintoki looked on bland disinterest. His brow furrowed at the sight of Tasuke. Did he think being run through was enough to kill a Joui rebel?

“Tama-chan! You’re okay! But why are you dressed like that? Have you found Sadaharu?” Kagura cried.

“I am not Tama. We are simply Tamagura and Kinpachi of Gintoki-sama’s Yorozuya Sepia,” Tama replied brisky, holding her mop as usual, despite being fully decked out in Kagura’s summer qipao.

“’Kinpachi’?” They all seemed to realize Tasuke was with the group at once. This was a little much, considering Tasuke was wearing Shinpachi’s clothes.

Shinpachi was the first to react. “Who the hell is that?! Where did you find a guy who looks even more like a pair of glasses wearing a human? Is it really a pair of glasses wearing a human?”

Tasuke adjusted his brand-name glasses with a pitying smile. “Whatever do you mean, Shinpachi-san? Don’t you know the accessories make the man?”

“ _Did the glasses spawn him?_ ”

Kagura yanked her umbrella from the booth and aimed it at Gintoki. “It was you! You dyed Tama sepia-coloured, didn’t you! Tell me where you hid Sadaharu!”

“Surely we don’t know what you’re talking about. We are here for work,” Tama said.

Gintoki just ignored her, focusing on the target. “Uhm, excuse me Otae-san. I heard you had a job for the Odd Jobs...”

Otae blinked. “Eh? Well, the snack shop’s karaoke machine needed fixing...But I asked Kin-san and the others to-”

“Instead of these lunkheads, why don’t you request the job to us? I promise we’ll do a better job than them.”

Over Gintoki’s shoulder, Kintoki was staring ominously at Tasuke. Tasuke held his stomach and tried to keep his presence low. Don’t brainwash, don’t brainwash, don’t brainwash...

“Why you! Not only are you imitating us, you’re taking over our jobs too!”

“Surely we don’t know what you're talking about. You came to cheer up over drinks, didn’t you? Slackers should sit down,” Tasuke said.

“Seriously, who are you! Not only taking my glasses, but Kin-san’s naming scheme too? You think because your boss’ name is similar you can take Kin-san’s?” Shinpachi pressed.

“You misunderstand. I’m not the gold ‘Kin’, but the ‘Kin’ of ‘fungus’,” Tasuke corrected mildly.

“Why are you using such a weird character?!”

Tasuke tilted his head. “If it’s okay, I could also be Tanpachi. The character of ‘tan’ can be the one in ‘phlegm’.”

“ _Don’t pick such weird pseudonyms while dressed like me!_ Are you trying to pick a fight?!” Shinpachi howled.

Tasuke immediately felt bad. “It’s not like that. To be honest, the character of ‘new’ creates such a wonderful name. I don’t have any right to be a more outstanding name. You can think of it as ‘a foul fungus in the face of the original’.”

It was the teenage Shinpachi, who saw the world with fresh eyes, who could reach close to Gintoki’s heart. He was one of the people who made every day fun for Gintoki. That gift couldn’t be ignored.

“O-Oh...Geez, you don’t have to go so far...” Shinpachi sheepishly rubbed his head.

Tasuke would have loved to finish this conversation, but just then, Gintoki heaved up the karaoke machine. Years of conditioning suddenly crushed ten years of living peacefully, reducing him to a base animal instinct that kept him alive through years of warfare.

At the same time Gintoki smashed the karaoke machine on Kintoki’s head, Tasuke was suddenly behind the robot, slamming his sword into his back.

If he had been wielding his sword, it would have run Kintoki through. But he was imitating Shinpachi, who used a bokuto, so it merely caused an ominous creaking nose as it collided with his spine.

“ _Gintoki-samaaaaaa!”_ Tama cried. “Why are you joining in, Tasuke-sama!”

“I’m sorry! I-” Gintoki crashed the karaoke machine back down again, and Tasuke’s sword flew unbidden to collide with the back of Kintoki’s neck- “I usually fought by guaranteeing a death, so when my general attacks, I can’t help but-”

Gintoki staggered back. The casing of the machine was broken, but it wasn’t smoking, at least. He looked pensively at Tasuke. “I’ve fought with you before, haven’t I?”

“Gintoki-san...did you not notice...?”

He slammed the machine back on its base so he could pick his ear. “I dunno. Battlefields are busy places.”

“Is this a battlefield?! You just broke the machine even more!”

Tama was quick to save, shoving him out of the way with her foot. Tasuke quickly placed his hands on Gintoki’s shoulders to prevent him from acting out. “D-Don’t worry. This is just a preparation to dive deeper into its mechanics.”

She was flustered and now much more cautious of Tasuke. She set up an office-lady-like dynamic, encouraging the karaoke machine to stop dedicating her circuitry to the rice cooker, who was nothing but a player, and-

That Kintoki was escaping! Tasuke bustled after him, and froze when he came upon Kintoki silently communicating with the rice cooker.

“What do you think you’re-- GUHUGH!” Tasuke was interrupted by a bokuto to the stab wound, so quick he didn’t see it at all. The pain made him collapse to the floor.

“Try not to make too much of a nuisance of yourself,” Kintoki said icily.

He stepped over Tasuke’s prone form, and Tasuke fought back a shiver of agony. His senses swam, and it wasn’t until long after music started playing that he felt a firm hand on his shoulder.

“Acting out on your own doesn’t suit you. Relax a bit.”

Tasuke looked up at Gintoki with watery eyes. “Did he...”

“It’s alright,” Gintoki smiled. “We have the rest of the day, don’t we?”

* * *

 

“Ukiii!”

_Taktaktaktaktaktaktak..._

“As you can see...I scolded him for being a troublemaker, and now he won’t come back down...”

Kyuubei trailed off uncertainly, their eyes skating from the monkey on the roof, to Kintoki, to Gintoki, to...

_Taktaktaktaktaktaktak..._

Gintoki tore one of Tasuke’s hands away from the cellphone he was feverishly typing at. “Pay attention! Was Shinpachi a character typing like he met a backdoor dealer for Otsuu-chan merchandise?”

“Ah, ah-ah-ah,” Tasuke whined as the jostling aggravated his injury. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry...To be honest, I was so worried about you, I texted someone I shouldn’t have, and now that it’s later in the day, I can’t ignore my phone anymore...”

“Hah? Who is it, your girlfri-”

Gintoki laid eyes on the latest missive from Sasaki Isaburo, choked, and barely missing a beat, ripped the phone from Tasuke’s remaining hand and smashed it against the ground.

“ _Gintoki-san?!”_

“All this time, you’ve been texting that text-a-holic cop bastard!” Gintoki roared. “Are you kidding? Who do you think got me into this mess, huh? Because he sucked me into his scheming around the Shinsengumi, those idiots got bored and made _that_ thing!” He pointed an accusing finger towards Kintoki.

Tasuke frowned. “Scheming? But Gintoki-san, didn’t you defect to a street gang?”

“How did you know- whatever. It’s that guy who hired me to do that. So it’s his fault I got replaced, isn’t it? You don’t have to indulge him! Delete his address and spit on your phone! Constrict your throat to get the right amount of phlegm! Like this! _Hhhkkohk-_ ”

Tasuke pulled out a second phone and took a picture of the one Gintoki just destroyed and spit on. “I can’t, Gintoki-san. He’s a work friend. This kind of texting speed is just the price I have to pay for decent information.”

“What price? You’re just being a pushover! You’re like the employee who gets caught walking out the door coat and bag in hand and still goes back to do overtime when the boss asks! Stand up for yourself, Kurokono!!” Gintoki tried diving for the second phone, and Tasuke huddled to protect it.

“ _Ukii!”_

Both of them looked up to see the monkey perched cheerfully on Kintoki’s head, and Tama looking at them with grim annoyance.

“A-Ah...well...We hadn’t tried this time, right?” Gintoki laughed nervously.

_[image attached]_

_My friend got annoyed I was texting when hanging out with them lol ^^_

_I only have so many phones so ttyl!_

Well, Gintoki said they had the rest of the day. Tasuke smiled calmly. “I believe even if it takes a week or a month, Gintoki-san will eventually shine through. There’s no need to worry about setbacks. Probably.”

_Who’s your friend?_

* * *

 

 

Tama’s signal-stealing abilities were unparalleled; she could catch the phone call from Yoshiwara even fifty feet away. A suicide threat.

Tasuke knew first-hand what it felt like to have Gintoki’s full attention. His relationship with death was different from other people’s. In comparison with a shiny, shallow gold plating, the real deal would obviously be able to connect with somebody at the depths of their despair far easier.

The courtesan was threatening to jump off the building. Gintoki stopped by a beer vending machine before running upstairs at a languid pace, while Tama distracted them by coming in riding Sadaharu, spurning a heated but one-sided argument with a baffled Kagura.

When Tasuke finally reached the roof, Gintoki was already there, next to the distraught woman, leaning against the railing...

“I’m feeling a little blue...and I feel like being alone right now, so could you go somewhere else?”

“ _Gintoki-san!! What happened to having the rest of the day!!”_

“Calm down.” A can of tea was set down on the railing. “Before you kick the bucket, how about we have some tea together?”

Kintoki! Tasuke skidded to a halt. This was dangerous! A direct confrontation in a precarious place!

“Don’t come any closer! Leave me alone!” The courtesan shrieked.

“If you wanted to be left alone, you wouldn’t choose such a flashy way to end it all.”

“Ahh, G-Gintoki-san, he seems to be doing quite well...?” Tasuke prodded.

“I just wanted to look at that pure blue sky one last time...A sky that reflects my heart...”

“Gintoki-san, am I the one who needs to do the convincing?”

Kintoki acted as if Gintoki wasn’t there. “How about you talk about it? There are some things we can only talk to strangers about, right?”

Gintoki chuckled darkly. “Even if I talk to you, I don’t think I...”

Tasuke made an aborted movement. Gintoki was quite disgusted with his doppleganger. So he was faking it in order to get an opportunity? Or he was so disillusioned even Kintoki himself was worth talking to? In which direction should he help? Gintoki has been drinking on roofs saying things like ‘I want to be alone’ more than once! The risk was real!

“Uhm...I know it might not be my place to say, but...It might be a pleasant memory to take to the afterlife, so if you need to talk, I’ll listen...”

_Even the victim here wanted to be helpful!_

The crowd went crazy, shouting platitudes up at Gintoki. The effect was so intense that Tasuke could stomach holding back; that was Gintoki’s charisma at work! He had found a way to take away the intensity of the situation for the girl...

Gintoki stood up on the fence, and Tasuke put his hand on his weapon, ready to block Kintoki in case he tried anything once the girl was safely pulled down. Gintoki stood straight at first, but as he stepped forward, he feinted right, to...

“ _My bad!! My soul is so heavy that my body slipped!!”_

Instead of diving between Gintoki and Kintoki, Tasuke’s body brought him behind the robot, sword drawn and ready to behead him, pulled into sync with Gintoki’s flying kick.

“ _What are you doing to Kin-san?!”_

The courtesan was suddenly in Gintoki’s ways, the long purple hair under her wig the last thing Tasuke could see before she was sent flying by the kick. Tasuke was so startled that he lost his balance, and tumbled off the railing, barely catching himself on the bars. He could f _eel_ his wound re-open.

“ _Saccha-”_

Kintoki stepped back off the railing. “Gintoki...Now this is the end of y-”

Gintoki leaped after her.

“ _Gintoki-san?!”_

He kicked off the wall to cross the space between them, and leaped off it to catch her in mid-air. It only made them pick up speed, kicking up the dirt of the road in a cloud when they collided with the ground.

Tama dived forward. _“GINTOKI-SAMAAAAAA!”_

“ _Gintoki-sa-”_ Tasuke almost let go of the railing in surprise when he saw what it was Gintoki and Sacchan had collided with.

Odd Jobs. Gintoki’s Kagura. Gintoki’s Shinpachi. The two of them supported the landing with Sadaharu.

Tasuke relaxed in relief. “Gintoki-san...You finally...”

Just then, a firm hand grasped him by the wrist and threw him over the railing to collide painfully with the ground on the other side. The blood seeping through his clothes left a trail on the floor.

“You really are annoying.”

Tasuke curled up with a groan. The pain left him breathless yet again. He hadn’t gotten proper medical attention yet, and every jostle of his wound was enough to make him feel boneless.

Still, he glared up at Kintoki. “Do you see...what you’re missing...?”

Kintoki didn’t react. He simply hoisted Tasuke up by the front. “Yes. I’m missing golden opportunities because I have to deal with attacks from too many directions.”

Ah...

“It won’t work. It didn’t work the first time,” Tasuke said mulishly.

“Because you weren’t in range? Why would you put yourself at the forefront now that you are?”

Tasuke fixed his jaw. “I knew...I’d probably be hit too. But even if it was for a short while...I wanted to help...as long as I could...”

Gintoki and Tama were probably aware of it. Tasuke was powerless to do anything, and he had already revealed himself to have his memories intact when he attacked Kintoki. It was only a matter of time either way. But they let him spend his last memories at Gintoki’s side. Fighting with him after spending so long after forsaking his fellow soldiers.

“But you _can_ help.” The inside of Kintoki’s head let out a strange buzzing noise. A golden light shone from his eyes.

Tasuke realized his mistake too late. _“No-”_

And a haze fell over his memories, thick and cloying and imperceptively wrong.

But they were still his memories. His precious...

* * *

 

Sakata Kintoki was making good progress.

It was an annoyance that the newcomer had confronted him in such a public place, of course. He had wasted valuable energy casting a second hypnotism, and he doubted he could reset Edo’s minds with what he had left.

But would he need to? Once he disposed of Tama and pitted his admirers against the original, everything would resolve itself. The newcomer had even been with Gintoki the past few days, so he would be able to help get rid of him. He could have his story within the month.

He was in a good mood, and did the rest of the day’s job with a skip in his step. His Odd Jobs employees looked languid, so, as a good boss, he sent them back to relax. It wouldn’t do if they watched him and considered his behaviour against the inferior product.

His luck was with him today. A man was holding his wife hostage and making demands. The police wanted Kintoki’s gilded tongue to help with the case. He graciously accepted, pleased he could make even more connections. Gintoki’s relationship with the police was originally quite bad, and it took a lot of work to get along with them again. Every bit of leeway with them he could find, he’d take.

Kintoki stopped outside the manor. A black-uniformed man raised his hand. “Kintoki-san! I’m glad you’re here. Things were getting out of hand.”

Kintoki smiled. “It isn’t a problem. I’m happy to help where you think I’m needed.”

“He’s just inside...we’ve got him surrounded, but...”

“Not to worry. I’ll take over from here.” Even if he were attacked, his body was made of steel, and simple to repair. This was child’s play to him.

He slid quietly into the home. The lights were all off. Not a single noise could be heard. Using his heat scanner, he could register that the only figure inside was just down the hall. Kintoki crept closer. The figure’s heartbeat remained even and calm.

He stood in the doorway to the room, but did not see a man with his wife, dead or not. Instead there was a man sitting in seiza posture, head bowed, gloved hands in his lap, with his sword laid out in front of him, as if he were waiting to be executed.

Kintoki couldn’t see his face. It was covered by a large teal oni mask. His mouth could be seen through the mask’s gaping maw, but it was set in a neutral line, calm as the man’s heartbeat.

“So this request was a letter of challenge?” Kintoki mocked.

“How perceptive of you, Kintoki-san.” The man stood slowly, sword in hand. He didn’t seem ready to attack, though.

“Trust me. This isn’t a fight you can win. Why don’t you tell me your grievances?”

The masked man didn’t respond for a second. There was a strange neutrality to him that made Kintoki feel he hadn’t gathered enough data. A calculation missing a key component.

The man placed two fingers to the ear of the mask. “Close in.”

A spotlight blasted through the window. The ground rumbled with footsteps. Kintoki whipped his head back towards the approaching heat signals, then to the man.

“What-”

A third contingent slammed through the walls and tackled Kintoki to the ground. All through this, even though the masked man’s heartbeat began to quicken, he still remained deathly still.

_“SAKATA KINTOKI! YOU’RE UNDER ARREST FOR TREASON!”_

The police? But he had won them over, hadn’t...?

No. This wasn’t the Shinsengumi. They were wearing white uniforms. The Mimawarigumi?

“People have been looking for you for ten years, White Yaksha,” the masked man said softly. “You’ve been attracting so much attention that we could finally find you. I’m really grateful.”

“It’s a shame you picked a fight with a government official,” one of the men arresting him smirked.

“A government- but I didn’t-?”

Kintoki’s gazed fixed on the masked man. In the new light, he noticed the fine silk fabric of his haori coat, the plush make of his dark hakama...

“Don’t tell me, you’re from the government...?”

The man laughed softly. “Just a small supervision job. But the power disparity between civilians and government officials is quite a bit, isn’t it? I only need to say ‘I’ll make things annoying for all of you if you don’t listen’, and would you look at that. They listen.”

“Wait- I’m not-”

“You’re not the White Yaksha, Sakata Kintoki? But accounts all match your description? We even have records of you being imprisoned?”

Kintoki realized the dire situation he was in. He hadn’t accounted for Gintoki’s enemies at all. He thought it was simply something he could get around with charisma alone, but this was dire. A war criminal? That guy who ran an Odd Jobs business was a _war criminal?_

He prepared to unleash the full force of his body. “Don’t think you can-”

“Careful. He has robotic installations.”

Kintoki hissed at the feeling of raw, alien electricity flooding his circuits. His vision flickered as the masked man pulled out a small black flip phone.

_Taktaktaktaktaktak..._

* * *

 

_Thank you so much for letting me borrow your men for the night ^^_

_I’ll treat you to lunch next time, Sasaki-san._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot twist: I prefer stories where the main character to completely lose their marbles and sometimes a direct fight isn't as satisfying as characters using their more obscure talents to go berkserk


End file.
